Birth Order can Predict Romantic Compatibility | LexiYoga
These traits derive from the unspoken competition between siblings as they fight The firstborn (always wanting to be in control) and the last born (always This Is Exactly What It's Like Dating You, Based On Your Birth Order. The first born teaches the last born little things that may be lacking, such as being organized . "Are we both aware of our next important date or engagement? Knowing birth-order characteristics of you and your mate is just one step toward. Ever wonder how birth order and your personality affects your relationship? Are you a take-charge firstborn—or the attention-hungry baby of the family? you can use to assess your compatibility, adds Catherine Salmon, PhD, . Two last-born parents could be in a tough position: Both may prefer to be.
How Mama Bear Reformed Cubby Bear It may be a good rule of thumb to say any combination of first born and last born has a better chance for marital success than do other combinations, but success doesn't follow automatically.
Good marriages are made, not born. Two people must work together on being considerate, caring, and mutually supportive. Naturally the Cub took advantage of his new caregiver. Sande had to put up with my fussy eating habits and picking up my clothes after me wherever I dropped them. This went on through the early years of our marriage. One day, while I was working on my doctorate, Sande heard me expostulating on how to discipline children and hold them accountable for their actions.
If holding children accountable for their actions is good, holding a husband accountable might be even better, Sande thought. She went into action. Soon I found my little piles of clothing where I had left them. In no time the apartment became covered with my piles. Then came the day when I could not open the door because Sande had shoved a giant stack of my clothes against it to make room for whatever she was doing.
That got my attention. Sande and I had a long overdue talk and shared our feelings. You learn to pick up your own clothes and put them where they belong. Also, I'm going to fix different things for dinner.
I expect you to at least try some new dishes. You owe that much to yourself and to our children--if you want to be the good role model you keep talking about.
Don't let the last-born spouse take advantage of you. Sande was gentle-spirited but firm. She started expecting me to be a leader in our home and take an active role in meeting responsibilities.
At times, she reminded me of my high school English teacher--the one in whose class I never goofed off because I knew better. I even learned that changing diapers is not off-limits for a psychologist with a doctor's degree, and when our children started to arrive, I did my share of diapers, giving baths, and other baby care. In short, Mama Bear taught Papa Bear that parenthood isn't woman's work.
First borns prone to faultfinding must back off. If you want to find your last-born spouse's flaws, you certainly can because they are all over the place. Accept all the flaws you can or make gentle suggestions on how to correct them. And if you're the last born, remember not to flaunt your flaws in your first-born spouse's face. If you're a baby, remember others need the spotlight too. Last borns are notorious carrot-seekers as in, "Look at me, I'm performing--toss me a carrot.
Last borns must remember they are not a one-man team. Because they have that first-born spouse who is probably keeping things organized and running smoothly, last borns may go off on their impetuous own now and then--to buy something, schedule something, or just do something without letting their spouse know.
How Your Birth Order Affects Your Romantic Relationships | Thought Catalog
One of the best bits of wisdom I ever received concerning marriage came from Dr. An only child, Dr. Dobson is scholarly, organized, conscientious, and reliable. So one day while Sande and I were having lunch with him, I asked, "Jim, if there was one bit of advice you could give me, what would it be?
Dobson's advice applies to any birth-order marriage match, but it especially applied to the last-born Cub and Mama Bear! I said to myself, If an only child with Jim Dobson's credentials thinks that's a good idea, then I do too!
I've tried to follow his advice ever since and it has always paid off. Middle Plus Middle Can Equal a Muddle As we have seen, two married middle children will probably not communicate well.
How Your Birth Order Affects Your Romantic Relationships
They tend to feel it isn't worth the hassle to confront each other. They may also discount the value of their own opinions. These attitudes are typical of middle children. One simple little device that I have used with great success when counseling a middle married to a middle is the suggestion bowl. Place a clear bowl or jar in a prominent place where both of you can see it and deposit in it your suggestions.
Keep pads of paper and pencils or pens handy. The husband should use one color of paper; the wife another. When the husband wants to tell his wife something, he writes a suggestion on his pad and drops it into the bowl.
And when the wife wants to give hubby a suggestion, she does the same. Some spouses--particularly men--think the suggestion bowl is too much of a crutch, but I talk them into trying it anyway because, the fact is, some of us simply can't look our mate in the eye and tell him or her what is on our mind.
Some other tips to keep the middle-child marriage healthy include: Build up each other's self-esteem. Middle children often have a poor to only fair self-image, so let each other know you appreciate the other's strengths and abilities. Be sure to make sincere comments, not obvious pat-on-the-head remarks designed to flatter or manipulate.
Provide plenty of space for outside friendships.Scientists Prove: Your Birth Month Defines Your Health and Personality
Remember that as middle children you both are probably big on having friends and social acquaintances. Encourage each other to make these kind of contacts, but only with the same sex. I know it's the '90s, but my files and the files of thousands of other counselors are full of examples of affairs that started because one spouse had a "special friend" of the opposite sex. Do special things for each other. I've already mentioned this, but it bears repeating: Middle children usually don't grow up feeling very special because they are squeezed and ignored.
You don't have to spend a lot of time or money. Love notes are always good.
A single rose, a small bottle of cologne, a special dinner--it's definitely the thought, not the amount of money, that counts. Above all, show each other mutual respect. You show respect when you telephone if you're running late; check with your spouse before making commitments; refrain from talking about your marriage in front of others; back each other up in front of the children, particularly on discipline matters; and never bad-mouth each other in the presence of others. Middle Child Plus Baby--a Pretty Good Match According to birth order studies, middle children and last borns rank right up there as potentially successful pairings for marriage.
The middle child, typically strong in negotiating and compromising, pairs up well with a socially outgoing baby of the family. And somewhat paradoxically, this kind of marriage has a high probability for good communication--sharing feelings and rolling with the punches. Yes, I know I said earlier that middle children tend to clam up and not share emotions, but the plus factor here is that middle children are not as threatened by babies of the family as they might be by meticulous exacting first borns.
So, the odds--and remember, all of these birth order pairing observations go by the odds--are good for decent communication. Here are some tips for making a fairly good blend even better: Middle-child spouses should work things out, but guard against being condescending. Last-born mates will smell that in a moment because people have been writing them off in a condescending way all their lives.
Blend your social interests with your last-born spouse's desire to have fun. Leman references a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family that evaluated the relationship quality of business executives and their partners based on birth order combinations. The distinct traits associated with different birth orders, some of which are outlined in study in Human Naturecan serve as a gauge for whether or not two people will make a good match.
Using Leman's book and the previous studies, we've identified the best and worst mates based on birth order. Remember, this is only a general guide and not all marriages and individuals will follow this pattern.
If you are a firstborn Another firstborn According to a study by Walter Toman, a professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Erlangen-Nuremberg in Germany, on 3, familiesyou have pretty good odds of a successful marriage if you're a firstborn who marries a lastborn.
Leman says that is because there's an opposites-attract thing going on. The firstborn is more Type A, and teaches the lastborn little things about organisation, whereas the lastborn helps keep the atmosphere light and reminds the firstborn not to take everything so seriously. According to the study, the best possible match is a firstborn female with a lastborn male, because their needs are in harmony with each other. Hillary and Bill Clinton are a famous firstborn couple.
They tend to bump heads because firstborns can be perfectionists and like having things done their own way, so it's all a matter of control. That doesn't mean you're doomed from the start, though. For example, Hillary and Bill Clinton, who have been married 41 years, are both firstborns. To learn to let go, Leman writes that you should stop trying to improve your spouse, and instead bite your tongue and stop criticising. Firstborn with Last Born The firstborn always wanting to be in control and the last born always seeking comfort and wanting to be taken care of is actually a win-win kind of relationship.
Middle with Middle It is very natural for middle children to avoid confrontation, so in this kind of relationship the most common dilemma they would face is the matter of communicating with each other. Their sensitive, compromising and accommodating nature makes it necessary for them to help each other develop the assertiveness and self-esteem that are needed for problem-solving.
Youngest with Middle This is one hell of a couple.
What Your Birth Order Can Tell You About Your Love Life
The middle plus the baby is a pretty good match. The combination of the middle—who is good at compromising and negotiating—and the social outgoing personality of the last born is the key to a good relationship. Only Children with Everyone Most people assume that the onlies have the same personality like the firstborns but they could actually develop two different kinds of personalities: Firstborn personalities and last born personalities.
Only children are most likely compatible with anyone as long as their partners could actually determine which of the two kinds of personality the only child possesses; then they could have a fruitful and well-adjusted relationship.